HUMOR AND INSPIRATION

A REALISTIC MIRACLE DIET FOR STRESSED-OUT SAINTS

Breakfast

   1/2 grapefruit
   1 slice of whole wheat toast
   8 oz. low fat or skim milk

Lunch

   4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
   1 cup steamed spinach
   1 cup herbal tea
   1 chocolate cookie

Mid-Afternoon Snack

   Rest of chocolate cookies in pack
   2 pints ice cream
   1 jar hot fudge sauce, nuts, cherries, whipped cream

Dinner

   2 loaves garlic bread with cheese
   Large sausage and cheese pizza
   4 cans or 1 large pitcher diet soda
   3 candy bars

Late Evening News

   Entire cheesecake eaten directly from freezer.
 

RULES FOR THIS DIET

1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink diet soda with candy bars, the calories in the candy bar
are cancelled out by the diet soda.

3. When you eat with someone else, calories don't count as long as you
don't eat more than they do.

4. Food used for medicinal purposes never counts, such as hot
chocolate, toast and cheesecake.

5. If you fatten up the people around you, then you look thinner.

6. Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they
are part of the entire entertainment package and not part of one's
personal intake.

7. Cookie pieces contain no calories.  The process of breaking
cookies causes caloric leakage.

8. Things licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in
the process of preparing something. (Examples are peanut butter on a
knife while making a sandwich or ice cream on a spoon while making a
sundae.)

9. Foods that have the same color have the same number of
calories--for instance, spinach and pistachio ice cream, cauliflower
and whipped cream.

NOTE: Chocolate is a universal substitute and may be used in place of
any other food.
--Adapted from Mikey's Funnies: http://www.mikeysfunnies.com
 

Taken from INTERNET FOR CHRISTIANS,
May 22, 2000 / Issue 110

Peggie Bohanon, Executive Editor

Cheryl DenHouten, Stacey Wieland, Chris Van Oosterhout
Assistant Editors

Chris DeRosia, IFC Webmaster

Quentin J. Schultze, Ph.D, Founder and Special Consultant
Author of the book, Internet for Christians

The Web version of IFC (http://www.gospelcom.net/ifc) features the email
version of this newsletter, article updates (as necessary), photos and
illustrations, a full-site search engine, email lists, ordering info for
Dr. Schultze's latest Internet-related book, answers to frequently asked
Internet questions and more.
 

acknowledgement

Non-profit organizations must give credit to the newsletter and to Gospel
Communications Network.  Commercial media may quote from it with proper attribution to both the newsletter and Gospel Communications. (Copyright 1999 Gospel Communications International, Inc., http://www.gospelcom.net/gci/).

Thanks to the newsletter and Gospel Communications Network
for permission to reproduce these articles

---

Return to  Homepage  ?