Q. What do penguins drive ?
A. Arcticulated Trucks
Q. What's black and white and has eight wheels ?
A. A penguin on skates
Q. What's a penguin's favourite dessert ?
A. Baked Alaska
Q. What do you give a sick penguin ?
Q. What do penguins wear on their heads ?
Q. How does a penguin build its house ?
A. Igloos it together
Q. What does a penguin wear on rainy days ?
A. His mackerel
Q What do you call an angry Polar Bear ?
A You don't call him anything, you just run.
Q. Why are penguins such good racing drivers ?
A. Because they are always in pole position.
Q. Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks ?
A. Because they haven't got any pockets.
Q. How do penguins drink ?
A. Out of beakers.
Q. Why are igloos round ?
A. So that penguins can't hide in the corners.
Q. Why are penguin's shops so busy ?
A. Because the fish fillet.
Q. What do penguins sing to each other on their birthdays ?
A. Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Q. What do you call fifty penguins in Leicester Square ?
Q. How do a group of penguins make a decision ?
A. Flipper coin.
Q. How do you make one fish keep a secret from another ?
A. Make them promise not to tell a sole.
Q. What do you call a penguin policeman ?
A. The old bill.
Q. What did the sea say to the shore ?
A. Nothing, it just waved.
Q. What do you call a penguin that steals baby octopuses ?
A. A squidnapper.
Q. What is a penguin's favourite party game ?
Q. Where do you find out the weight of a whale ?
A. At the whale-weigh station.
Q. What do penguin nuclearscientists eat ?
A. Fission Chips
Q. Where do penguins go to dance ?
A. At the snow ball.
Q. What has three wheels and travels along the bottom of the ocean ?
A. A motor-pike and side-carp.
Q. What did the penguin say to his lovesick friend ?
A. Don't worry - there are plenty more fish in the sea.
Q. Why are fish so clever ?
A. Because they spend so much time in schools.
Q. How do you stop a Polar Bear from charging ?
A. You take away its credit card.
Q. What is brown, has a hump and lives at the South Pole ?
A. A very lost camel !
Q. What do you call a fish on a frozen lake
Q. What shoes do Penguin's wear on the ice ?
Q. Who is a Penguin's favourite aunt ?
Q. How does a Penguin know when there's something wrong ?
A. It smells a bit fishy.
Q. What is a Penguin's favourite salad ?
A. Iceberg lettuce.
Q. What swims about in the sea purring ?
A. A cat fish.
Q. How does a Penguin get to school ?
A. On an icicle.
Q. Why don't Polar Bears eat Penguins ?
A. They can't get the wrappers off.
Q. What's black, white and red ?
A. A penguin with sunburn.
Q. How do you communicate with a fish ?
A. You drop him a line.
More jokes selected by Michael Fowler Jnr
Q. What do you call a snowman with a suntan ?
A. A puddle.
Q. What do you call a fish without an eye ?
Q. What does Cinderella seal wear ?
A. Glass flippers.
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