Penguin jokes

Penguin bars are a popular British chocolate covered biscuit bar
at the moment there are a series of jokes on the wrappers

Q. What do penguins drive ?
A.  Arcticulated Trucks

Q. What's black and white and has eight wheels ?
A.  A penguin on skates

Q. What's a penguin's favourite dessert ?
A.  Baked Alaska

Q. What do you give a sick penguin ?
A.  Tweetment

Q. What do penguins wear on their heads ?
A.  Ice-caps

Q. How does a penguin build its house ?
A. Igloos it together

Q. What does a penguin wear on rainy days ?
A. His mackerel

Q What do you call an angry Polar Bear ?
A  You don't call him anything, you just run.

Q. Why are penguins such good racing drivers ?
A.  Because they are always in pole position.

Q. Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks ?
A.  Because they haven't got any pockets.

Q. How do penguins drink ?
A. Out of beakers.

Q. Why are igloos round ?
A.  So that penguins can't hide in the corners.

Q. Why are penguin's shops so busy ?
A.  Because the fish fillet.

Q. What do penguins sing to each other on their birthdays ?
A.  Freeze a jolly good fellow.

Q. What do you call fifty penguins in Leicester Square ?
                                                                            (Time Square)
A.  Lost.

Q.  How do a group of penguins make a decision ?
A.  Flipper coin.

Q.  How do you make one fish keep a secret from another ?
A.  Make them promise not to tell a sole.

Q.  What do you call a penguin policeman ?
A.  The old bill.

Q.  What did the sea say to the shore ?
A.  Nothing, it just waved.

Q.  What do you call a penguin that steals baby octopuses ?
A.  A squidnapper.

Q. What is a penguin's favourite party game ?
A. Sardines.

Q. Where do you find out the weight of a whale ?
A. At the whale-weigh station.

Q. What do penguin nuclearscientists eat ?
A. Fission Chips

Q. Where do penguins go to dance ?
A. At the snow ball.

Q. What has three wheels and travels along the bottom of the ocean ?
A. A motor-pike and side-carp.

Q. What did the penguin say to his lovesick friend ?
A. Don't worry - there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Q. Why are fish so clever ?
A. Because they spend so much time in schools.

Q. How do you stop a Polar Bear from charging ?
A. You take away its credit card.

Q. What is brown, has a hump and lives at the South Pole ?
A. A very lost camel !

Q. What do you call a fish on a frozen lake
A. Ice-Skate.

Q. What shoes do Penguin's wear on the ice ?
A. Slippers.

Q. Who is a Penguin's favourite aunt ?
A. Aunt-Arctica.

Q. How does a Penguin know when there's something wrong ?
A. It smells a bit fishy.

Q. What is a Penguin's favourite salad ?
A. Iceberg lettuce.

Q. What swims about in the sea purring ?
A. A cat fish.

Q. How does a Penguin get to school ?
A. On an icicle.

Q. Why don't Polar Bears eat Penguins ?
A. They can't get the wrappers off.

Q. What's black, white and red ?
A. A penguin with sunburn.

Q. How do you communicate with a fish ?
A. You drop him a line.

More jokes selected by Michael Fowler Jnr

Q. What do you call a snowman with a suntan ?
A. A puddle.

Q. What do you call a fish without an eye ?
A. Fsh.

Q. What does Cinderella seal wear ?
A. Glass flippers.

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